Creating Calm and Connection in Early Years Settings
Insights from Marmalade Early Years Consultancy’s Alexandra Chiorando
In early years, behaviour is a form of communication. When we understand this, it can change how we support children day to day.
This idea was central to Creating Calm and Connection in Early Years Settings, a recent webinar hosted by Alexandra Chiorando, owner of Marmalade Early Years Consultancy. With over 25 years’ experience as a teacher, SENDCo, and Ofsted inspector, Alexandra now works with settings across the UK to nurture inclusive environments where both children and staff can thrive.
Designed for nursery managers and early years teams, the session explored how greater understanding leads to calmer environments, reduced challenging behaviour, and children who feel settled, secure, and confident.
Why Calm and Connection Matter
Alexandra began by reframing the conversation around behaviour: children aren’t being “naughty”, they’re communicating. Their actions reflect how they are feeling and coping: their emotions, needs, sensory experiences, stress levels, and sense of belonging.
When early years educators shift from managing behaviour to understanding children, everything changes.
According to Alexandra, children need five things above all else:
- To be seen
- To feel they belong
- To feel safe
- To have fun
- To feel good about themselves
When those needs are met, behaviour naturally improves. When they can’t, children show their discomfort through their bodies and actions.
Behaviour as a Physical Expression
One of the webinar’s most powerful visuals was the “behaviour iceberg.” Above the surface, we see the outward behaviours – crying, snatching, refusing, hitting, running, shouting. But beneath the surface are the real drivers:
- Sensory overload
- Anxiety or stress
- Lack of connection
- Communication difficulties
- Low self-esteem
- Exhaustion
- Frustration or confusion
Understanding what lies beneath allows early years educators to respond in ways that support, not escalate.
Alexandra highlighted a universal rule: Calm + Connection = Positive Behaviour
Before we can teach, guide, or redirect, we must first connect.
The Power of Warm, Secure Relationships
Drawing on attachment theory, Alexandra explained that children learn, explore, take risks, and regulate their emotions best when they trust the adults around them. Strong attachment isn’t a “nice to have”; it’s the foundation of well-being, behaviour, and learning.
Ways to build connection in everyday practice include:
- Getting face-to-face on a child’s level
- Mirroring their emotions and expressions
- Sharing joy by laughing, playing, and being silly
- Following their interests rather than directing them
- Creating simple rituals, like morning hellos or goodbye songs
- Listening with genuine presence
- Providing physical closeness during caregiving moments
- Using shared activities such as reading, play-dough, cooking, and outdoor play as bonding opportunities
Small moments of connection, repeated consistently, create deep relationships that help children feel safe.
Helping Children Feel They Belong
A child’s sense of belonging influences how confidently they behave in a setting. Alexandra shared practical, easy-to-implement ideas to strengthen this sense of security:
- Photo displays featuring children and their families
- “Mini-me” figures for block play
- Small personalised areas where children can display artwork or photos
- Birthday boards or family walls
- Jam-jar photo collections for comfort and connection
When children see themselves reflected in their environment, anxiety reduces and behaviour improves.
Predictability Creates Calm
The session also looked at routines and transitions. When routines are inconsistent or unpredictable, children can feel more stressed, which shows in their behaviour.
Predictable, well-planned routines help children feel safe, know what’s expected, and become more independent. They support self-regulation and reduce the overwhelm that can lead to challenging behaviour.
Examples discussed included:
- Simple morning welcome routines
- Structured but warm transition moments (e.g., ticket systems, songs, rituals)
- Calm snack times
- Consistent tidy-up expectations (the transcript ends just as this section begins)
The key message: routines should comfort, not control.
Creating a Culture of Understanding
Throughout the webinar, Alexandra emphasised that behaviour is not something to “fix”, it’s something to listen to. When practitioners move from reacting to understanding, the entire atmosphere of a setting becomes calmer, kinder, and more responsive.
Children feel safer. Early years educators feel more confident. Families feel more supported.
And ultimately, early years environments become places where everyone, children and adults alike, can reach their full potential.
If you missed the Creating Calm and Connection in Early Years Settings webinar, you can watch the full recording here: watch the webinar recording. For more insights, training, and resources from Alexandra Chiorando, visit Marmalade Early Years Consultancy to discover how her expertise can help your setting nurture confident, happy children and empowered early years teams.
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Senior Marketing Manager at Connect Childcare